thrown away

almost everyone i know has a kind of security blanket they carry to bed every night. whether it be an actual blanket or something more along the lines of a “bantal busuk“, the item would most probably be very worn out, stained with goodness-knows-what, and pretty offensive in general.

the world’s most famous security blanket would have to be the blue flannel blanket that linus van pelt carries around in the “peanuts” comic strip. he could hardly stand a moment without it and would be willing to wrestle snoopy for it. it meant that much to him.

it’s rather funny then, that my sort-of security blanket has “peanuts” characters on it.

this, ladies and gentlemen, was the blanket that i snuggled into every night from the age of 7. my parents bought it for me when we went over to hong kong because it was one of those comforters with a zip at the side where they could insert extra “stuffing” into once the weather got chilly.

my mother used to wrap me up like a tortilla in this blanket, taking great care to tuck the edges under me tightly every winter to keep the cold out. i was, and still am, very susceptible to respiratory infections so it was necessary to keep me as warm as possible. that blanket served its purpose well.

it flew back to malaysia with me when we returned, and i have been using it almost every night since. i had to leave my blue snoopy blanket behind when i left for singapore because…it doesn’t really make sense to lug a huge, space-hogging piece of cloth all the way 300km south, no?

anyway, other than the 2 years i spent away from home, i have never slept a single night without my faithful old blanket.

it’s no wonder then that it started falling apart this year. after more than 10 years of keeping me warm and fulfilling some kind of psychological need to be covered in order to feel safe enough to fall asleep, my blanket started to tear at the edges. then the cotton stuffing came out, and the seams around the zip began to rip.

finally, last week, i had to throw it away. it was just too disgusting to be used any longer.

it was surprisingly easy to dispose of. i mean, i thought i would have a linus-like attachment to the blanket that had served me well for so long. i thought that i’ll miss the sight of “joe fifties” (obviously an imitation of snoopy’s actual “joe cool” alter ego) before i close my eyes.

but all i did was inform my mother that my old blanket needed to be disposed of, took the blanket i used in singapore out of storage, sunned it, and used it that very night itself. it was that easy to say goodbye to something that i wrapped myself in every night as i grew up.

it’s the first time i threw away something i treasured without feeling…anything. i just thought that rather odd and uncharacteristic of me.

goodbye.

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