last week, two people with the same name asked me two different questions that i didn’t answer as satisfactorily as i wanted to.
things like that happen all the time. i’m just more comfortable with the keyboard or a pen than with my tongue and the 10 seconds it takes for my brain to think of something intelligent or witty to say before i actually say it. the end result is either me being really long-winded and boring, or the person i’m speaking to losing interest before i could come up with a decent answer.
question #1: how do you let go of something that isn’t yours?
it sounded incredibly suspiciously like a question related to unrequited love but, being someone who doesn’t believe in digging into other people’s business, i didn’t ask for details.
my answer to the question was, “you just do it.” needless to say, the enquiring party turned away in a huff, muttering something like “easier said than done, lor.“
what i really meant was…you just do it, in any way you can, at every time you can. everything you do must be done with the intention to let it go. you do everything in your power to let it go. if you find yourself yearning for that something, you do something else to get it out of your mind.
after all, isn’t the tenth commandment “thou shalt not covet“?
you don’t just tell yourself to do it. you do it. you just do it.
question #2: would you be disappointed if you ever got an A- for your exams?
the simple answer is “yes“. my guess is that the person who asked me that question went away with the impression that lishun is kiasu sial and a perfectionist who obviously defines success and happiness in a distorted manner.
good grades matter to me, but not because i pride myself on being a student who has never done badly or whatever. maintaining a nice report card was always about doing the very best i can. everytime i don’t meet my expectations, and my expectations are always for the best, it means that there is something i need to improve on. i’m not limiting this to expectations towards my academic achievements – it encompasses every aspect of my life.
i want to do my best, and achieve my best as well. to do otherwise would be plain ungrateful.
and, contrary to people’s beliefs, i am not a straight As student (though i wish i were). i’m just very good at pretending to be one.
alright. am a bit moody, i know. blame the hormones and the evening rain.