fatigue

it’s not the stress – the stress has been there for ages. i anticipated it. i was prepared for it. so, it’s not the stress.

it’s not the activities – i planned this weekend. i want to go for each event. i made sure i would be able to complete what i needed to do so that i won’t go for each one grudgingly.

it’s not the people – the people i will be spending time with are people i want to spend time with.

it’s not the lack of sleep – i make sure i get at least 5 hours a day. it’s true that my sleep has recently been disturbed by dreams that leave me strangely tired in the mornings, but i do sleep. my eyes get their rest every day.

so what on earth is causing this acute onset of fatigue?

i woke up today feeling like crap, with no motivation to cover the lectures i need to cover before going for planetshakers tonight. i don’t even feel like going anymore – just the thought of loud music and crowds is sending my head into a spin.

it dismays me that i am dreading tonight, that right now the only thing keeping me from telling my friends that i don’t want to go is because i invited two of them and i promised to chauffeur some people there. it’s out of duty, obligation, and that really really really sucks.

i dunno. i’m beat.

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