stars. marionette. dancing.

dancin’ little marionette
are you happy now?
where do you go when you’re lonely?
i’ll follow you
when the stars go blue
when the stars go blue by ryan adams

stars. marionette. dancing.

it’s the imu ball tonight. for some reason, i am reminded of the disaster that was my secondary school prom. the committee collected an extra RM10 at the door, i wore (on hindsight) a horrible dress, my too-short straightened hair made me look like a polly rag doll and i spent the night watching my pseudo-date covet girls in nude, backless dresses with his eyes.

i didn’t take many photographs that night. i can only hope tonight will be different.

whenever i hear ryan adams’ haunting vocals sing about dancing marionettes in wooden shoes and wedding gowns, i think about my childhood expectations of how my life would be when i’m older.

did i grow up wearing a pretty mask each day? am i weighed down by heavy issues, heavy shoes? i am so trained to the choreography shaped by the world that when i go about my daily life, i do it as one who is accustomed to drudgery, pretense and putting up a shield.

am i happy now?

sometimes, i am so pms-y that i piss even myself off.

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