“hey if it rains, it’d be like a shower of blessing on you!“
i looked anxiously at the grey, cloud-filled skies above me before glancing at the running shoes on my feet. should i brave the threat of rain? my mp3 player was out of juice. my usual running partner was out buying groceries. everyone i passed by gave me a look that betrayed their thoughts: that girl is nuts.
three rounds, Lord. give me three rounds. my heart is pounding against the constraints of my chest. my blood is yearning for a chance to run through my unfeeling body. just three rounds.
it was hard to distinguish whether my face was damp from perspiration or rain as i ran back to my car once it started to pour. God gave me my three rounds and, as i scrambled to close the door behind me, i was panting and choking from the sprint i was forced to break into for the last 50 meters.
still, it was well worth it. after all, i got caught in a (pretty darn heavy) shower of blessing.
“you sounded like you were squeezing out the very last drops from your very tired, very dry soul.“
i used to think it was empathy, over-attachment or something along those lines. i tend to get emotionally involved in people’s problems, taking a personal responsibility for their woes and concerns. it just seems right to do that. doesn’t sincerity come at a price?
when she said that though, it dawned upon me that it had nothing to do with feelings or empathy or attachment at all. it had everything to do with the desire to give my all to those long phone calls or pleading eyes and tear-streaked voices.
leave me empty if it means they will be filled. send me back, drained, to draw from Your never-drying well. remind me always Who it is i serve. make me cry tears of surrender at the end of each day.
the whole day, i had been feeling empty, numb. the rain that soaked me hours before seemed a distant memory when i began the journey home. i was as dry as firewood, but as i drove, a spark lit and i was flooded by an overwhelming load of emotions.
for the second time, i choked in the car, fighting a futile battle against my tears. eventually i welcomed the release of feelings that had been accumulating for the longest time. i didn’t know what they were…just that it felt so good and devastating at the same time.
“rain down on me, here in Your presence i am free“