food of love

if music be the food of love, play on;
give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
the appetite may sicken, and so die.
– from twelfth night by shakespeare

it crosses my mind every now and then. it translates into a little ache in my heart that spreads right into my gut. soon it becomes a crushing feeling in the centre of my chest, threatening to break my bones and penetrate my dreams.

i used to pray as orsino did – for something else to fill me and suppress the need to share my self with someone else, the need to complement and no longer stand alone. if music be the food of love, play on. play to satisfy the hunger so i will no longer crave love. sicken the appetite, cause it to die.

i still get that crushing feeling sometimes, but i don’t pray for distraction anymore. each time it happens nowadays, it’s easier to instead praise God for the wait and the assurance that whatever happens (or doesn’t happen), it’s in His time, in His hands, made beautiful right from the start.


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