the ugly monster

once again, that ugly little monster called “my bad temper” reared its head.

why is it so much easier to lose my temper at my family than at anyone else? all that happened was i couldn’t find my login information that was on a piece of paper i specifically told everyone not to move or throw or even touch. when i realised it was gone, my mind jumped immediately to my father, who has gotten into the habit of cleaning things up when he wakes up at 5am in the morning, and i assumed he had thrown it away.

after yelling a bit and throwing what can only be called a tantrum, i finally found that piece of paper, tucked under a cd-container along with some other imu-related documents.

i felt like a total jerk, idiot, moron.

for all that talk about not wanting to be taken for granted, here i am taking my family 100% for granted, losing my temper only at them just because i know for sure that they love me unconditionally and will continue to love me eventhough i am hardly at home, i don’t spend time with them, i don’t appreciate them, and i yell at them.

how could i possibly expect to reach out to them if i behave in such a manner at home? i’m a hypocrite for doing my best to reflect God outside and being an absolute total pain in the arse towards my family. what on earth is wrong with me? am so so disgusted with myself.

that feeling really, really sucks. crap crap crappity crap.

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