behind it all

so, you need to be home by midnight or daddy won’t go to sleep, eh Cinderella?

maybe i regret implying that my father is over-protective. he’s my father. i can’t blame him or resent the fact that he cares about my safety just because it means i can’t go for every late night icecream excursion to mcdonalds. in fact, i find it endearing that he-of-little-words can come up with a scheme to make sure i come home early every night because he knows that i would rather he sleep well than hang out with my friends.

but it got me thinking about the motivation behind the things that i do. getting home early because i don’t want to disappoint my parents and keeping an eye on the clock because i am concerned about my own safety are two separate things.

the first is done grudgingly, out of fear and love, but not because i want to. the second requires a greater level of revelation and understanding that will evolve into a principle.

it’s the same with following God’s word, keeping His commandments. for some, obedience is driven by fear of punishment or the diminishing of His love because of what we do. that is very different from knowing God’s character, recognising the reason behind all those “rules” and realising that what we do has absolutely completely nothing to do with how much He loves us and wants the best for us.

what is it really that makes me say “no” when offered a second glass of beer? did i choose church over a party because i’m “on duty” and not because i recognise what’s temporary and what’s not? is it a “i have to” versus a “i want to“? is the realisation of my self greater than the realisation that, in actual truth, i have no claim to anything i say is mine?

such self-centered thoughts at a time when there are others to look after and care about…but i guess if i’m still a mess, bound by things that should no longer be there, i am in no position to be a guide to anyone else.

more prayer and pondering ensues, but not for too long, i hope.

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