so much more

eh don’t say that…lishun may get really angry.
no, no…you know when lishun gets REALLY angry? when she blogs about it.

the funny thing is, i find it so much easier to forgive everyone else except you. you’ve treated me like dirt pretty much for the last couple of years, making me feel so unwelcome in your company eventhough i have no idea how i have wronged you, offended you. what have i done that is so despicable in your eyes?

i have thought long and hard about whether i’m being too sensitive or too demanding or too stubborn to adapt with the changes, and i have come to the conclusion that i don’t deserve that kind of treatment. i shouldn’t have to strive to earn your acceptance because i simply don’t need to.

so why does it always hurt so much more when the rejection comes from you?

we’ll be going our separate ways soon and i don’t want to say farewell on a sour note. maybe i’ll write you a letter before you leave so you’ll at least know what’s been on my mind. that way, i will no longer have a reason to keep a grudge, justified or otherwise, and it won’t matter if you realise how you’ve hurt me or not.

what kills me most is that we used to be friends…or were those years lies too?

you’ve struck my right cheek and i’ve turned the other to you also, but i’d have never expected you, who probably can memorise the verse better than i can, to continue striking me much longer than anyone else has.

maybe that’s why it has always hurt so much more.

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