still waiting

i still think it’s easier for them to take pledges and make promises because they’ve gone through it before and have seen what it can do. the rebellious child in me wants to at least experience it too before i make a tearful covenant or a convicted prayer. but i never really saw what a blessing it is to have suffered long and been forced into patience until i realised that He was protecting me all along.

i would never have been satisfied either. it probably wouldn’t take much to cloud my immature judgment and cause me to make a mistake i can never erase. there have been times when i was bitter and irritated and angry about how “unfair” it was, times when i was led to believe malicious lies about myself, lots of occasions where i have questioned “why“…but i see it now. i would never have been satisfied, and He knew that. which is why He has made me wait.

there is no need for me to compare with others. He has led them through in His own way, in a manner suited for them. if that was how they needed to learn, so be it. i have no business in envying them or wishing the same path for myself. He knows best, not me.

so i’ll wait. it gets easier by the day as i trust Him more and more, open my eyes to see who He is, letting Him crush the doubts in me. there’s so much freedom in trading my burdens for reliance on Him.

lots more long-suffering needed ahead, but i’ll wait…with Him.

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