so here are my thoughts.
i can feel the old anger building up in me again. there is an urge to defend myself and, as i’ve said time and again, that means i need to shutupstoplooklistenrepent. the earnestness in her email has made me feel guilty for not being completely open with her. i will miss him when he leaves on sunday, especially now that he’s my “person“. those weren’t thoughtless, prayer-less words. people just don’t make an effort anymore. it’s an odd craving, but i love it when i see passion burning in people’s eyes as they talk about something, someone, some cause that they love. some rearranging needs to be done – peace has no part to play, it’s mercy over justice. it’s not biblical to bottle up my emotions and allow them to burn. i really really want to go to singapore. it’s the people i never expect anything from that give me the most, and it’s the people i lavish on that hurt me the most. i’m happy that you’ve found her, but i wish you never left me. being a guest star kinda sucks after awhile. what use is discipline if all it does is kill love? i expected to do better. i expected more from you. perhaps i should remember my motto of “no expectations, no disappointments“. i only take personally what You have given me.
i’m exhausted. take me home. i still love You.