christmas eve

it’s christmas eve and i’m being a grouchy old witch.

this is gonna sound very very ungrateful, but while i appreciate the pep talks and semi-chiding lectures, i don’t need them. i give those speeches to other people, so it would only make sense that i give them to myself too. similarly, i don’t need to know that you’ve been through worse (or the same) and be told that comparatively i’m having it much easier. that approach has never succeeded in making people feel better in the past and it won’t start working anytime soon.

forgive me for being like this. i don’t allow myself to feel like crap very often, and alot of the time it’s not so much about feeling like crap than it is about not expressing it. verbally. literally. or whatever-ly. there is only so much swallowing and dismissing and reassuring that i can do, even if it’s mostly motivated by the guilt i feel everytime i am compelled to vocalise my problems, regardless of their magnitude.

so thanks for the prayers, i need those. if you want a hand at making me feel better, do tell me about your christmas plans. listening to people talk and rant with no agenda other than just wanting to talk and rant is extremely therapeutic for me. something stupid and lame would be nice.

i’m gonna go back to trying to make my christmas less of a whine-fest and more of a celebration. these two posts are more than enough and this self-pity has got to stop.

*edit: the best thing about self-given lectures is that i can read my old entries and receive new encouragement from the words that God had inspired me to write. sigh. one more week. let’s make it GREAT.

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