just once

if i’m going to whine, i might as well whine just once. the caps-ridden email i sent to my best friend doesn’t count. this will be the one and only whine. ok fine, the last one, at least.

it’s hard to enjoy my first few hours of freedom from pre-clinical school when i am absolutely disappointed with how i did, despite the fact that the results will only be released next week. i am disappointed with myself because i didn’t give it my best shot, i didn’t do my best and i certainly did not put in the amount of effort that i should have. i am guilty of committing tautology in the above sentence, but it just goes to show that i cannot say it enough.

i did not give my best for this exam, and there is no one and nothing that i can blame for it other than myself.

so, what happened? i guess i simply got lazy. or maybe i played the procrastinator, believing i had plenty of time when i didn’t. i know that somewhere along the way i let discouragement get me down for far too long, and by the time i realised i had to move on, it was too late. i became apathetic. i just didn’t want to try anymore.

as to how much i’ll have to pay for it, i’ll only know next week. until then, i have to try and stop sulking or else i’m gonna be a wet blanket at every post-exam celebration i attend.

anyway, i’ll probably cry about it sometime later tonight, maybe console myself with some chocolate and a few excuses that aren’t true. it doesn’t matter how i cope with it all, the bottom line is that i simply did not do my best and will have to bear the consequences pretty soon.

but i do thank God for not giving up on me and for continuously prodding my stubborn self to get out of the rut i was in. too bad i didn’t listen sooner.

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