letters

there will come a time when you have to admit defeat and say that you’ve done what you can. the fact is that there is only so much our mortal hands can do, our limited words can say.

we’ve been given what is enough, nothing more. once that is exhausted, you have permission to wash your hands and leave the rest to verbal letters you send to God on behalf of those who don’t want to write their own. and after that, you need to step away and hope they’ll find strength not in your flawed human self, but in the wholeness that is God.

the trick is knowing when that time is when it comes.

once, someone told me that she feels as if i’m the only person who wants her alive. those words weighed heavily on my shoulders. i looked at myself and my inadequacies and wanted to scream that my optimism and stubborn belief in her is not enough to keep her breathing. i can only offer so much. it’s not wise to make me her life-support. i can only offer so much.

too many times, i have let myself become despaired by the belief that i am responsible for keeping people away from the edge, that i am to blame should they fall again. as if only i can save them. as if i am the one to save them.

but i’m not.

it is God who has salvation to offer, it is He who has the grace to lift you from where you fall. only He is mighty enough to save you and keep you alive. just as He is the one who gives me grace to walk with you, He is the one who will continue the journey with you when i can no longer follow.

fatigue can close one’s eyes with slumber, but i sleep best resting in His assurance that He will show me when the time has come to release you into His hands.

till then, i’ll write those letters for you while hoping, one day, you’ll send your own to Him.

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