silly things, better things


seeing the light – drawn on notes

silly things i’ve done:

pretended to like the music he likes (though sometimes they grow on me in the end)
casually” delivered cake/cookies to him while blatantly ignoring his friends
studied in places i knew he would be so he’d have to come over and say hi
checked out his timetable so i can “accidentally” bump into him
didn’t do my homework on purpose so we can copy other people’s work together (haha)
sent unnecessary text messages and saved his replies

in all those instances, i’ve found myself having to lie. i had to deceive not just whoever it was i tried to get attention from, but i lied to myself and believed that God was fooled as well. i should have known then that it was a warning sign.

that’s not what love is. love rejoices with the truth. when you find yourself covering your tracks, justifying your actions…that’s when you know that you deserve better.

that’s when i knew i deserved better. that’s when i knew better things will come.

*edit: today, i was presented with yet another opportunity to do something silly. in the process of declining it, i lied. another piece of evidence that says “that’s not love“. i rest my case.

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