i feel like an underachiever masquerading as an overachiever. there’s nothing to be proud of.

i’ve never fought to make doors through the walls. my convictions are shallow. my passion is non-existent. i believe in helping people in whatever way i can, yet i limit the things that i can do. my world is smaller than what it could be. my eyes are dim and blind.

i’m not the best at anything, not the first in anything, not even remotely outstanding in anything at all.

so much for believing in myself and saying that i’ll try my best.

i was meant to live for so much more, have i lost myself?

whenever i am disappointed with myself, dismayed at the unfulfilled potential in my life, i think about gideon who, with 300 men, defeated a swarm of midianites because God was with him.

gideon, who did not have a dream or a passion in his life. gideon, who needed to be assured time and time again that God was real. gideon, who asked for signs and wonders and proof of God’s power. gideon who was afraid and doubtful. God was with him.

and then i read about the woman who bled for years and was healed because she believed she would be cured if only…if only she could touch Jesus.

my friend kyle asked me to listen to a song, “storm” by lifehouse, a couple of days ago. the chorus goes:

if i could just see You, everything will be alright
if i’d see You, the storminess will turn to light

and i will walk on water, and You will catch me if i fall
and i will get lost into Your eyes, and everything will be alright

it will. if i could just see You.

last week, i prayed for my faith to grow even more this year. this week, i see that there is no way that can be done merely by praying and reading His word more. if i could just see Him and believe that’s all it takes…that’d be a different level of faith altogether already.

and everything will be alright.


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