“here I am! I stand at the door and knock. ff anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me.“
– revelation 3:20
you think you’re the only one who understands or truly feels what’s going on. you don’t like talking about your problems to other people because that would constitute whining. you let things fester in your heart until they become a poisonous mass. you shut God out of your life because of shame, guilt, feelings of worthlessness. you succumb to sin when you take off the armour of God and put on the shabby clothes of the world. you let yourself be tossed and turned because you have rejected God’s anchoring love.
and yet there’s the invitation to your lukewarm heart. hear My voice and open the door.
it’s not possible for me to describe how sorry i am for how i’ve behaved for the last couple of weeks. i chose to shrug off His protection instead of embracing it wholeheartedly. what i do or think in secret is not hidden from Him. i heard His voice but i did not open the door.
i believe that king david knew he sinned when he coveted bathsheba as he watched her bathing from the roof. i have no doubt that he, a man who had a personal bond with God, knew that his actions were wrong. even before the prophet nathan spoke to him, king david knew. he just chose to feign ignorance and acted according to his own judgement.
but once he acknowledged his sin, he repented and said:
“have mercy upon me, O God, according to Thy lovingkindness. wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. for i acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. against Thee, Thee only, have i sinned, and done this evil in Thy sight.create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, Thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of Thy righteousness. the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.“
– from psalm 51
he didn’t just ask for forgiveness and mercy – he asked to be changed, inside out. he asked God to create a new, clean heart and spirit. he asked for his old self, broken by God’s revelation, to be throughly cleansed. he knew that God valued the surrendering of his life more than the aesthetics of how he lived.
david opened the door and let God in. it’s my turn to do the same.