“now i know i’ve got a heart, ’cause it’s breaking.“
– tin woodsman from the wonderful wizard of oz
perhaps it’s for the best. maybe i’m meant to be broken and disappointed so that i will turn my heart from the vanity of the world and go back to God, wholly and entirely.
i cannot deny that it’s been on my mind for a very long time. the possibility that every heartbreak is an opportunity to look to God for strength, to toughen up, so that when the clear calling comes, i will be ready. like every other form of training, whether mentally or physically, it comes with alot of pain.
like now, when i am typing this through tear-filled eyes.
just a moment ago, i told myself that i would rather be a robot, made of steel and glass. that way, i’d be spared from hurt and despair. i would choose a life devoid of both happiness and sorrow if only so i wouldn’t be like this. who needs joy when one can be free of disappointment?
but since that isn’t possible, the next best thing is to cry through the pain, lean on a merciful God and be thankful that i am alive – a human being with a beating heart and fragile feelings to go with it.
perhaps this is for the best. it doesn’t make it any less painful, but perhaps it’s for the best.