gaaaaaaah

i don’t like christmas much.

i mean yeah, it’s great to celebrate the day of Jesus’ birth. it’s also nice to have a holiday season thing going on. plus all that love and hot chocolate can hardly be bad for anyone’s health.

but the presents. oh my goodness the presents. they give me anxiety attacks.

i’m a perfectionist, the not-so-constructive kind. i’m the kind of perfectionist that wants things to be just right so badly that i would rather not do anything than do it in a less-than-perfect manner. get what i mean?

it’s why i still have unfinished projects from christmas 2 years ago. that’s right. 2 years. ago.

that brings me back to christmas. if i were to buy/make a gift for every person who means something to me, i’d have to get tonnes of stuff. and not just cute, personalised keychains, no. presents that suit them. that they need. that they want. that is perfect for them. that is still within my budget. right.

in other words, if i wanted to give someone a present, it’d have to be the perfect present. or else i’d rather just not give anything. but if i did that, then i’d feel bad because that goes against the plan of making my distorted, commercialised version of christmas perfect. but i don’t exactly have the time and finances to get everyone important to me something meaningful yet not (too) pocket burning. so how? how how how? obsess lor.

sigh.

i know that christmas isn’t about the presents. it shouldn’t be about the presents. i don’t even think it’s about the presents. but it’s just…nice, y’know? to get people stuff? except when it becomes an obsession over it being perfect like it is for me.

so that’s probably the one huge aspect about christmas that i hate.

end of rant. terima kasih.

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