coping mechanism

my sister saw my pathetic status on facebook. no doubt she would have seen yesterday’s entry too.

last night, my mother called to ask what’s up. well she didn’t really say “what’s up?“. it was the classic chinese family conversation. have you had dinner? did you eat any fish? how’s the studying? i know my sister must have told her about my little episode and she must have been worried, hence the call.

but in true lishun fashion, i didn’t tell my mother exactly what was going on. just that i was fine. that i’m trying to study. that i’ll do my best tomorrow and friday, and that i’ll be home on saturday morning to celebrate my sister’s birthday.

she must have known that something wasn’t right, but she didn’t press the issue. now, i can’t help but wonder how she felt.

i wonder if my parents are hurt by the fact that i don’t share my problems, my thoughts with them. instead i write them on this blog, in inappropriate articles that get published in the newspaper. i confide in a select few, a select very very few, but mostly choose to deal with things on my own.

if i ever have children in the future, i’d be rather disappointed if they don’t tell me about what’s going on in their lives. but if they do decide to cope with their going ons themselves, i guess i can’t blame them.

after all, they probably got it from me.

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