hard to swallow

i started signing up for runs for 3 reasons:

1. to have some form of motivation to get off my butt and exercise
2. that sense of accomplishment once i cross the finishing line
3. to exorcise the demons i have about running as a result of 2 years of napfa hell

i am far from the fittest person around. even after doing a couple of 10km runs, i still perform miserably. in fact, my timing has gotten worse with every run (how the heck is that possible?!) and it’s starting to get rather demoralising.

anyway, i did my first 10km in 9 months today. i completed it in an obscene amount of time, 20 minutes off my target (i want to cry lor), and felt like crap after that. it was great knowing that i finished the race and i had another medal to add to the little collection i have going on, but the perfectionist in me couldn’t accept that i not only failed to improve on my timing, but that i took a longer time this year than the last.

i guess it’s time to fully acknowledge that the main reason i’ve been doing so horribly is that i haven’t been exercising much, i’ve let my fear of embarrassing myself keep me from signing up for more runs, and as a result i’ve put on the pounds, hence giving me more weight to carry around as i run. the unhealthy clinical school student diet (maggi mee, fried eggs and lots of bread) hasn’t helped much either. bleurgh.

the truth is hard to swallow, but it’s the truth nonetheless.

okla i need to pack and go to sleep. i decided not to head back to seremban tonight simply because i am much too tired to make the drive back. it’s not right for a mere 10km run to tire me out so much. further proof that i need to get my act back together.

gah. good night everyone.

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