the samurai warriors had a bro-code of sorts among them, called bushido. one of the most well-known components of that code is seppuku, or harakiri as it is better known in the english-speaking world.
when a samurai warrior faces defeat, he commits seppuku to avoid the possibility of capture, torture and the infliction of further shame. if found guilty of a capital offence, a samurai warrior could choose to die by disemboweling himself with his tantō or wakizashi instead of being executed.
and then, there is seppuku committed by a disgraced samurai warrior, who has failed in performing a task set upon him by his master.
i feel like performing harakiri – literally “cutting the belly” – right now.
for the first time, i prided myself on actually looking out for every sign pertaining to my patient’s condition and i still managed to miss them. i MISSED them! even after LOOKING for them! like seriously!!!
what on earth have i done to deserve medical school? i don’t deserve an mbbs with the atrocious mistakes i am making! i have wronged all those students who didn’t get scholarships and couldn’t gain entry into medical programs because seriously? they would have picked up soft murmurs even in a child with tachycardia and they would not have missed dysmorphic features on a kid with a “mature” mother. no, they wouldn’t have.
but i did.
worst of all, i have failed every single one of my dedicated, inspiring lecturers. i have disgraced them while disgracing myself. howla to be dokter liddat?!
sigh. where’s my tantō?