que sera

i spent much of the last year wondering what kind of doctor i’ll be.

almost every other post in 2009 was about me doubting my competence, my attitude, my interest in medicine.

in a way it’s a good thing because it means i am coming to terms with the prospect of finally becoming a doctor in the next 8 months. sure, it’s a little premature to say so now, what with 2 major professional exams that i have yet to pass coming up, but it’s mind-blowing to even consider that in 8 months’ time, i will fulfill a (supposedly) childhood dream.

yet the dream is now not just to listen to tiny beating hearts in a neonatal intensive care unit, but to also implement changes and improve the morale of my colleagues.

that, unfortunately, will not happen if i become jaded in my 2 years as an intern, or in the subsequent years of studying for exams, failing them and burning thousands of ringgit at each attempt, watching my peers gain promotions while i remain an unhappy medical officer in a God-forsaken district hospital, and eventually turn into one of the same grumpy, unmotivated doctors i encounter (and complain about) at times in the hospital.

so i guess it’s only fair that much of the past year was spent wondering about my future career. it’s only fair for me to worry more about who i’m going to be as a doctor than about passing my exams because in just 8 short months, i will be released from the comforts of medical school and be left to fend for myself with no one but God to rely on.

2009 was akin to the short run a glider takes before jumping off the cliff. the next 8 months will be the lift-off. in 2010, God will be the wind i glide on. exciting times lie ahead.

happy new year, everyone.

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