time to refuel

i wonder if people who are older ever get tired of telling the young ‘uns the same things over and over again. what we perceive as nagging may well just be a desperate plea from the wise to avoid the mistakes they made, to prepare us for inevitable disappointment and disillusionment.

at 25, i can feel myself becoming alot less compassionate than i was not too long ago. i’d say no to requests that i’d give in to readily before. a sarcastic remark makes its way from my brain to my lips alot quicker than it would before. i feel less remorse for judging someone harshly, putting the blame on the person instead – who asked him/her to behave in a misleading manner?

there was an incident that happened 2 or 3 years ago that came at a time when i was feeling sorry for myself, angry at the world. i had just dropped someone off somewhere completely out of the way for me. i probably thought of it as my good deed for the day but looking back, it was perhaps more because i didn’t want to face the guilt of not lending someone a hand when i sorta could have. by the time i was ready to go home, it was late in the evening and i was tired.

to my horror, the road home was blocked and i had to make a detour either into cheras or straight into the city center. it was 6pm, the roads were packed, i barely had enough petroleum to get home and i panicked. i chose to take the road to cheras, unaware that i had just merged onto a highway and had no money to pay the toll fare.

as i approached the toll booth, i noticed some middle-aged malay gentlemen who stopped their motorcycles at a divider to chat. it was rather odd, but i was too desperate to care so i slowly made my way over to them and told them of my predicament. the men were rather amused at my story, and as one of them handed me a RM1 note, i asked if he could direct me back to my university so i could take an alternate route home.

he didn’t just give me directions – he led me all the way back.

it is precisely that kind of display of kindness that i need right now, to renew my faith in mankind. just to convince myself that i don’t have to coax or nag or throw in some sarcasm in order to get my peers to help or just fulfill their responsibilities. or that people can do things for others without feeling taken advantaged of. that i can do things for others without constantly feeling bitter about it.

all i really need right now is an act of goodness.


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