headache

i hate indecision. i hate it when i can’t decide, i hate it even more when others can’t make up their minds. i hate it when i name a place to eat and i get “um…can we go somewhere else?” as an answer but no alternative in tow. i hate it when i suggest something and it’s clear the other person doesn’t agree and suggests something else but then says something like “no no it’s up to you la i mean you suggested it first mah” etc etc.

i mean…what is your problem? you don’t get to run back to the cowardly comfort of being an observer once you’ve voiced an opinion about something. you have to carry some weight of the final decision because frankly, i am tired of carrying it myself.

i am even more tired of getting flack for being authoritative. don’t blame me for making the decisions that you can’t make yourself. i know the project won’t go underway unless i initiate it. i know no one else will accept the responsibility if i don’t. you think i’m wrong? then for goodness’ sake take the bloody initiative for once and give me a break!

so what if not everyone is made out to be a leader? would you know for sure unless you try? i know there are others who are better at leading, better at administrative work than i am but are too chicken selfish to do it. that’s right, it’s got nothing to do with courage in the end. it has to do with a cocktail of apathy, selfishness and plain ol’ pride.

i’m just tired today. sapped eventhough all i’ve done is sit in this chair and lie in that bed, hoping the headache will go away. it never really goes away.

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