not typical

do i have atypical depression?

sometimes, i think i do.

other times, i think i’m just being whiny. unreasonable. hard on myself. attention-seeking.

and yet, sometimes i think i have atypical depression.

after all, i’ve gained a ridiculous amount of weight over the last 3 years. i’ve found it hard to concentrate. i go through phases where i think i am completely worthless, unworthy of anything good that i have. i find it hard to make decisions. i’m constantly tired. i feel rejected. trapped. my academic performance has suffered. and i am generally a less likeable person than i perceive that i used to be.

so maybe i’m just emo. and lazy.

but sometimes i think i could do with some help.

i don’t know. i just want to graduate, even on my dismal performance. my growing lack of interest in medicine. i don’t know.

this is so totally the wrong course for me.


3 responses to “not typical

  1. Depression is anger directed inwards, towards oneself. What are you angry about? Who are you angry about?

    Once you think about this, you can then figure out what to do with that anger.

    I don’t suggest directing that anger at any person, which could be counter productive if it is not going to lead anywhere, but to figure it out and then take constructive action.

    …or maybe it is just a lack of rest and sleep. Sounds like that to me.

  2. Happens often to me …especially when ur sleep n rest deprived… get a good motivator,fren or family…helps a lot…i thought i was doin the wrong course too until someone told me to stop thinking bout what i should have done and concentrate on what im doin, think of the positive side and the future…so yeah…feeling much better this sem..dun give up yet..try to find something positive to do or think..cheers..

  3. Well…I have just read some of your recent past posts; I think it may not be the medical course alone that’s giving you the blues – perhaps one other source is that you are now transitioning from academia – school/university – to the working environment – the ‘real world’.

    Things don’t work the way it does in a learning environment – the ‘ways’ and ‘rules of the game’ change and are different.

    Different people react differently at this point of watershed – some go on and embrace the ‘ways of the world’ eg become manipulative, while others maneuver their way and come out with their principles and ideals intact, and ultimately triumph.

    Stick in there, it too, shall pass.

    Happy Easter!

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