you know that sinking feeling you get when you know you’ve been lying to yourself? i’ve been getting it more often these days. about my line of (not quite yet) work. about the people i’m with. about my level of faith. about how i feel each day. the more i think about it, the more convinced i am that i am not made for the medical profession. that the feelings i suppress are responsible for the growing isolation i go through. that the people around me make me feel like crap sometimes. that i don’t see or hear from God as much as i used to.
of course, i’m to blame for all of the above. positive thinking doesn’t work anymore. my willpower is weakening.
sorry for the drama. perhaps i really am dysthymic.