kill me now

one of my colleagues – that’s what sophisticated medical students call their batchmates: colleagues – has been stricken with a pretty serious ailment that could very well require major surgical interventions. although i can see how precarious his situation is, a tiny little part of me – the part that is so so sick of medical school and the growing dissatisfaction with my work – envies him. i’m envious for the time out he has been forced to take. i am jealous of how he does not have to make excuses for not being in this town, alone for a weekend, serving only 7 of a 12-hour call.

so yeah i did get a little bit of work done, and due to non-competition from student nurses and my colleagues (because seriously, who in their right minds would go to the hospital at 7am on a nice, rainy sunday morning?!) i managed to deliver 2 babies, which is more than i’ve managed to accomplish over 4 days last week. but a discouraging email from a lecturer and a portfolio ridden with corrections that have to be made by the end of this week just made me feel like a complete utter failure. add that to a week of erratic sleep patterns, zero exercise and odd mealtimes and you have someone who just wants to slit her throat and end it all.

if only i weren’t so afraid of knives.

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