i need to be honest. i’m not happy here. i hate the house i’ve rented, i hate the handy man that’s supposed to come fix stuff for me and my housemates, i hate that i decided to live there, and i hate that i can’t tell my parents about it without them going all “i told you so” about it.
i hate that my housemates don’t see the house as a home. i hate that i will be the only one who will try and make the place a nice place to live. i hate that the fridge doesn’t work. i hate that we’re so busy we won’t be able to see each other much. i hate that neither one of them will go for drinks with me.
i hate that we’re all in different postings. i hate that it’s difficult for me to make friends. i hate that i’m shy around people who talk alot or have nice smiles. i hate that i seem to be the only single person around.
i hate that i haven’t been able to present that many cases because i don’t push forward ahead of the pack of doctors that do rounds every day. i hate it.
i hate all the poor decisions i’ve made, the times i haven’t stepped up or said something or put my foot down. i hate who i am.
it’s actually been a pretty good night but when it’s midnight after a long day and i’m alone and my hormones are all screwed up, i can’t help but just hate everything.
sorry for whining. i feel entitled to this, especially since we keep being told not to complain about our work.
i chose to be a doctor, but i didn’t choose to be an unhappy one. i know that how things turn out depends alot on how i handle them, but man. i feel like everything that’s gone wrong was my fault and that i’m being punished for it.