may in august

to me, it’s always about the big picture.

it’s not the players: it’s not about the people who irritate me, or the less than helpful support staff in the hospital, or the superiors i feel insecure about consulting, or my housemates, or the people who inadvertently hurt me, who open up deep and shallow wounds.

it’s not the game: it’s not the profession, or the suboptimal conditions i work in, the status quo that takes too long to change, the learned helplessness in each government employee, the strain in whatever optimism has survived, the message i get that i am but a player whose only purpose is to exist.

it’s about the league, the championship, the big picture. it’s thinking about may in august. it’s storing those treasures in heaven. it’s making God happy. it’s the story…and the details don’t matter.

it’s like how right now, i’m not thinking about today. i’m thinking about what it means to be here, to reexamine what i base my security on, my self-esteem on. it’s sitting in the dark and remembering who i am, who i put my trust in. where my foundations lie. my foundations do not depend on the players or the game. they depend on God, my big picture.

and then, when i’m done, i go for icecream. some details still need paying attention to…only some. =)

sorry for the badly drawn parallel. it’s one of those days.


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