i’ve had time

i haven’t been all that busy.

i’ve had time to accept the death of my laptop’s long-suffering internal hard drive and get a replacement that cost me the equivalent of two calls. i’ve also had time to exchange texts with a colleague i thought was cute long before i said hi to him. in between all that, i’ve made space to bitch about work with my housemate almost daily, be disappointed that after all those texts he hasn’t followed through, book a trip to singapore next month and even *shock horror* study a bit. i finished a paolo coelho novel in the 3 days i was without a working laptop. it was amazing.

but when i think about this blog and what i want to put up here, i can only think about the bad things, the frustration and anger i feel each day when i get back from work and how i eat chips and drink orange juice for dinner because i’m too upset about my work day to bother about a proper meal, or the fact that i sleep by 8pm almost every day, only to wake up 9hours later feeling like i’ve hardly slept a wink.

today, i drove my housemate to the train station. on the way home i passed one of the parks in ipoh. some men were playing football on a field and several motorcyclists stopped to watch the game. the 2 minutes i was stuck in traffic taking in that scene felt like the happiest 2 minutes of my week. maybe it’s because tonight i can go to cell group and stay late for supper and not worry about work tomorrow.

do i really hate my job that much? was this the wrong decision? i am disappointed with myself for letting my environment affect me so much, but i can’t help feeling i have made a terrible mistake.


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